Depression

mkay
So I'm really fucking depressed. It's probably clinical depression or something, but that doesn't matter because I'm a poor person. And poor people can't afford to go to psychiatrists to get diagnosed and then go buy happy pills every month.
I was looking online for other ways to help me get over it. One way is by keeping a journal. Good thing I have like 20 of them scattered all across the internet.
It's really weird. I woke up feeling good today, and then it just slowly came over me. Same thing happened yesterday. I don't wanna draw or write anything like usual. I don't wanna look at shit online. I don't wanna do stuff around my house. I don't want to watch tv.
Actually, I kind of feel like doing something stupid and dangerous. Like picking a fight with a stranger, or wandering around the woods at night alone. But my family would give me hell if anything ever happened to me. Honestly, I could care less if they were worried, I just don't feel like answering their questions.

Last night I had a dream that I was at my boyfriend's house. It was night. I was trying to sleep. He suddenly became very angry about something unrelated to me. I layed there listening for a moment. Then I suddenly sat up and got out of bed. Wearing only a t-shirt and some shorts that I sleep in, I slipped on my flip-flops and just walked out of his house without him even noticing. I remember wondering if I should go back for my stuff that I'd left there, then I was just like, "fuck it" and left. Left the door hanging open. I was so relieved to be escaping from that anger.
I think this dream is about how I want to run away from my problems and not look back. That's true. That's how i always want to deal with stuff.
Well I've run out of stuff to write.